Point Break

I’m telling you, it’s the universe. Don’t you see? It’s conspiring against us. It’s making us do things that we were sworn not to do. How about we take a big gulp of air and let it all slide away? I know right? If it was only that easy. It’s pretty fucking ironic that we  are in this sort of position. You and me? Me and you?

No matter how much I try to roll it with my tongue, it seems so scandalous. Like an apocryphal malicious afterthought. Those two? What a joke, right? They probably know better than the two of us. If they caught us sharing the same two feet of space with more than just animosity and contempt, isn’t it such an absurd notion?

But the thing is. The thing is. I can’t even begin to think. Normally, I can just book it. Run and hide. That’s what they taught me. And if that wasn’t the wisest advice anyone has told me, then I don’t know fuck. This is beyond my control. It’s a stupefyingly scary feeling that we are letting this happen without putting any resistance. This has disaster written all over it.

It’s heady. Everything about this is cloyingly saccharine. A jolt. It’s electric. It could be all in our heads. But I can’t seem to stop remembering how your heart spiked when I enclosed your body against mine. It’s dangerously easy. If we could get away with this. I won’t even blink and let my desires run hot.

But it’s the universe you see. She’s such a sly little liar. She gives us these moments with empty promises of tomorrow. A drug designed to lose our sensibilities until it’s too late to pedal back down to reality. Our memories. Our lives. All flickers down to some sorry excuse of a test.

If that’s all it is. Then, so be it. We have our photographs. We have our lives entwined in this particular fabric of time. Whatever it is. Whatever happens, we have our song recorded in eternity.

 

Rinse and Repeat

It’s one of those days. I forget to remember. I remember to forget. There are so many reasons why I would like to bury you over the sands. To stop reciting your name whenever I feel like breaking down. I don’t wish to look back. I would want nothing else but to look at you and not feel my heart fighting against its cage.

It’s one of those days. I say what I don’t mean. I don’t mean what I say. I spurt out vile recollections of what we were. Spin monstrous tales that makes you look like a clown in a fool’s dress. I tell everybody who’d listen that you’re worse for wear. I tell these things especially if you’re around. I want you to hear them. I want you to know how little you are to me right now. But I wish you weren’t so nonplussed.  I wish I couldn’t see the smirk that’s rising at the corners of your lips.

It’s one of those days. My smile reaches my eyes but not my heart. My heart fails to reach the smile outside my eyes. I run around bursting with joy. Too pleased to see everyone. Happy to be around people and faces. Mingling and laughing. They all tell me what a great thing it is to see me smile at last! They all compliment how beautiful my laughter is after it rings in their ears for a minute at a time. Should I tell them that it’s consuming me more than anything else? That it breaks my heart that they don’t know me at all.

And there you are, standing still against the sea of limbs. All blue eyes and all American dream. I wish I didn’t have the urge to run straight to you. There’s nothing I desire more than to calm my heart and remind it of the fall. I don’t want to love you. But it’s one of those days, and all I want is you and nothing more.